ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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