i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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