But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
