Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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