No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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