I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
