Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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