I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
