the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
