He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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