my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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