U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
