your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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