you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
