what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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