I wish my penis had an off switch
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
