Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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