So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
