Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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