kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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