Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
