when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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