yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
