I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
