I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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