I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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