I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
