Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
