So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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