You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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