I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
