Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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