We won't sleep together?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
