I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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