TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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