You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
