Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
