i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
