And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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