Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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