ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
