That's when you crack a 10am beer
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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