the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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