ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
