I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
