I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
