actually, I'm a sock model
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
