1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
not ubering you a puppy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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