You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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