is your mom at the bar?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So many bounce houses so little time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
