I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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