Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize