alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
