Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
