Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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