she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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