just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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