Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love having hate sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
