ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
