in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
