Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
