so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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