kristin has been a bad kristin
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
