I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
