I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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