You can't special order awesome
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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