you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
