i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
