she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
